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Successful Parenting- Tips and techniques to raise healthy and happy
 
 
Irresponsible Behaviour
What is the problem about?

Display of irresponsible behaviour by the children of today is a very common problem that parents are facing. Children react with irresponsible behaviour like backtalk, stubbornness, or anger against every rule that parents lay down.

For example, when parents ask children to do chores, remind them about the time to stop watching TV, or prohibit them from returning home late, children seem not to like the strictures and fight back instead. Being on the receiving end of the children’s backtalk is one of the most frustrating and exhausting concerns that parents deal with when they raise their kids.

It is easy for kids to get into the mindset of, “If I could just explain it better, you’d understand my situation.” So children present their problem or request repeatedly in the hopes that their parents will give in and respond to it. If their parents do not give them the answer they want, those kids will then try to re-explain, as if the parent does not understand.

Often, as they launch into their explanation for the third or fourth time, the children and the parent will both get more frustrated until it ends up in an argument or a shouting match.

If the exhibition of irresponsible behaviour by the children is not nipped at the bud, it may take a serious turn as backtalk often metamorphoses to verbal abuses, like saying hurtful or harmful things, anger, and shouting. For instance, children might start cursing their parents, calling them names or threatening them.


Signs/symptoms to look for
  • Children often react with irresponsible behaviour like backtalk, stubbornness, or anger against every rule that parents lay down.
  • Children hate it when parents ask them to do chores, remind them about the time to stop watching TV, or prohibit them from returning home late.
  • Some kids do not keep quiet till they have the last word.
  • They present their problem or request repeatedly in the hopes that their parents will give in and respond to it.
  • If parents do not give them the answer they want, these children will then try to re-explain, as if the parent does not understand.
  • Often, as they launch into their explanation for the third or fourth time, the children and the parent both end up in an argument or a shouting match.
  • Backtalk often metamorphoses to verbal abuse like saying hurtful or harmful things, anger and shouting.
  • Children might start cursing their parents, calling them names or threatening them.
Causes

Irresponsible behaviour like backtalk comes from a sense of powerlessness and frustration. People do not like to feel powerless, and that includes children also. So when kids are denied something they feel like something has been taken from them. They often feel compelled to fill that empty space with backtalk.

Children often end up with irresponsible behaviour when parents fail to lay down some ground rules much earlier. When children do not know exactly what is expected of them, they react with disobedience.

In addition to this, if parents do not remain consistent with their ground rules, children are likely to disobey them and create a fuss.


Solutions

Parents can do a lot for teaching children to show responsible behaviour when they are expected to. The earlier they start giving training to the children, the better it is for the children to get used to positive behaviour. Backtalk leading to verbal abuse is a very negative behaviour and has to be dealt with aggressively and up front.

The first and foremost thing to do is to stop responding to backtalk. Once parents have set the limit, they have already won the argument.

Parents, however, see it as their job to respond to their children — to teach, train and set limits on them. And backtalk is an invitation to do just that, although, it is not a rational mindset. It leads parents into attending to and prolonging unwanted arguments.

Parents sometimes see backtalk as a challenge to their authority. But as long as they accomplish their objective, the fact is that their authority is fully intact.

Your job as a parent is not to get your child to accept the reasonableness and rationality of your decisions. You just need them to follow the rules.

You can put a stop to backtalk by sitting down with your children and laying down some ground rules when things are good. Discussions about these rules are critical to good communication and to cooperation down the road.

Once this is done, parents can concentrate on following the ground rules instead of trying to achieve children’s acceptance. For example, the first rule can be, “I’ll explain something once and I’m not going to talk more after that. If you try to argue or debate, I’m going to walk away. If you follow me or if you continue there will be consequences.”
Consequences of which you have threatened can range from limiting children’s TV-viewing minutes to subtracting a few sums of rupees from their pocket money.

Another option is to allocate a certain time of day in which children can talk back to parents to maintain equity and give children an outlet to air their grievances, without your getting bogged down in constant arguing.

You can start with by saying to them, “You can ask me to re-explain all my decisions between 7.30 to 7.45 pm. Save it for then. If you need to, write it down. But at 7:15, our discussion is over. If you try to keep it going, there will be consequences.”

Because rules and regulations are for your children’s development and safety, your job is to set the rules and enforce them. Whether they like them or not, they have to learn to live with them as a lesson on discipline.

In case, you have tried all the above and still have questions regarding your child who often displays irresponsible behaviour, you can ask for a practical solution from Jiva. Jiva makes use of the know-how of its expert educationists and the wisdom from Ayurveda to provide you consultation for this kind of problem. Please feel free to contact Jiva at 0129-4088152 or write to us at asksteve@jiva.com. We will try our best to give a solution to your child’s problem with our expertise.
 


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